Breaking up is hard to do
You know that it's true...
Relationships that come to an end often leave you feeling lost, heartbroken, and overwhelmed within an emotional rollercoaster. I know, I’ve been through three of them in the 60+ years I’ve been walking upon this good earth.
What I have learned is that it’s not just the loss of the man I once thought I loved, but it includes all those dreams I cherished, and plans we had made together.
All shattered and crushed.
I recall my mental state when going through one of those breakups, I was like a delicate fragile flower with its petals being pinched cruely from my body. I was so utterly sad. My heart felt as though someone was cutting it with a knife and then chucking its essence onto a fire. I felt as though it was going to explode with the horrible pain that I could not bear.
Thoughts of him finding another woman and living the perfect life with her, made me feel depressed, alone and petrified. Anxiety was at an all-time high. At the time, I hadn’t realised the impact on my mental health that each of those breakups had had.
As a psychotherapist, I do a lot of research and, while trying to understand the intracacies of the heartbreak created from a breakup, I found this little fact:
According to a study published in the Journal of Health and Social Behavior, people who go through a breakup are 25% more likely to show symptoms of depression than those who are in stable relationships.
What this shows is the immence emotional and psychological burden that breakups can have on a person. It can bring about:
sleepless nights
loss of appetite
a sense of hopelessness
a drab world lacking in colour and excitement
struggles throughout each day
There’s also this constant need to recapture those old memories. And you’re always asking "What if?" There’s this deep, aching longing for what was, and these painful sensations can trap you into a seemingly never-ending cycle of abject misery which makes it harder to move on with your life.
It is hard to hear these words, but though letting go and moving on is a tough step in healing, it’s a necessary one if we are to lead a fulfilling life.
In the end, it’s about making an attempt to embrace the fact that it’s the end of your relationship. It’s also about coming to terms with understanding that your value is not tied to firmly the past. And, that you can find strength in your vulnerability.
Healing from a breakup means that you need to begin to acknowledge the pain and make the choice to grow from it.
Every person has a different journey through the ending of a relationship. Some do find comfort in the solitude they choose, while others find their peace in being busy. Let me tell you, there’s no right or wrong way to heal from a breakup. It’s navigating the journey that brings you peace.
This is why I wrote this book Dealing With Breakups In Relationships
Find out more by clicking the book below.
Best,
Kaye Bewley MA